
Qass. 
Book. 



/ 



DEAF J.OVER. J 

A FAIlCi:, ^. 5 

IN TWO ACTa. I O ^ j 

BY F. PILON. """TfT^ 

OiVform^d at the Theatr-i ll^yal, Covent Gt^rden, ■< 

and the Pliilaflelphirt and BaUimore Theatres. : 




NEW-YORK : 

HUBl.tSHRD BV CHARLES Wll.F.V, NO. 3 WALL STRBF.T 

C. l,AnY & I. LKA, & mVaUTY & DWIS, I'HILA DE.M'Hi; 

AM) SAMUEL H. PAKKF.R, BOSrO>r. 



'II 



^> 



'>>»''#< 



'y 

Y 



^<^> 



PROLOGUE. \ 

WriUen by the Author, and Spoken by Mr. i 
Lee Lewes. 



STATESMEN and Poets, oft', one fortune fin<I ; 

This Court being discontent, our Bard resign'd ; 

That is to say, resigned as Courtiers mean, 

He was tuir.'d out, but wuuld come m again. 

On one good point he's bent, a reformation, i 

And bade me tell this grand Association, > 

He now had made a total alteration. ) 

Mistakenly, he built on Gallic giound, 

Butprov'd French wit was, like Frencii faiih, un/ound; 

Hence wiser grown, he's cautious in his views, 

And makes no foreign compacts for his Muf^e, 

On foreign aid 'tis hazardous reliance. 

But certain ruin's in a French alliance. 

By Gar, Monsieur will bay, you mistake quite, 

Mon Pais my country, be lovjovrs right; 

Itfaui vous nller, you must go to France, 

If you will learn to make bon alliance ; 

Far Palliance Bourbon, we long trick you ; 

Par VaUiancf. Jimericue, trick dem too ; 

P'oila Monsieur, (TEstaing, has he not jjlay'd, 

One pretty trick, in taking dc Grenade'/ 

Is he not grand, invincible Hero? 

Arrah, replies Teague, ask General Prevost^ 

•^o much with iStiot he bothcr'd him, thev say. 



PROLOGUE. 

He play'd an old French trick and run away. 
Now home to France he's gone with broken thigh, 

|]is leg being wounded, says he came too nigh ; I 

And, by St. Patrick, hfe deserved his fate, j 

Wlio would not give the woman a retreat ; -■ 

Had bill the Irish brifi,ade been there, '; 
They'd given their hearts before tliey'd hurt the fair. \ 

But talk no more of Heroes — name me one, ) I 

Like the brave tar, who met the Spanish Don ^ i 

Without a sword, and gave him up his own.* > J 

Oh I such a trick, with ail your gasconade, ; 
No French monsieur, or Spaniard ever play'd. ■ | 

But whilst for valour's crown great nations fight, j 

And while ambition takes the name of Right : 1 

Ambiguous states, each diff'rent powt r to fiecce, , 
Equal suspend the scale of war and peace; 

Abjure all principle, but that they've lent, I 
And now no interest, butceiu. per c nt ; 

But, rouz'd by wrongs, the v.enius of the land, .! 

Ju self-collected might, more firm shall stand ; \ 
Hibernia's cause, and Britain's now made one, ) ' -l 

We boast a (am'ly compact of our own ; / | 

Defies the treach'rous compact of Bourbon. } fj 

Whilst Justice, as a flaming /Egis, throws -^ 

Confusion and disinay on Er-ghuid's foes ; jj 

Her thunder to the world shall speak again ] 

She reigns th' unshaken Sov'reign of the main. i 



* One of his own ; or he had been a fool, not a hero | 
-Vide Raymond's History of England. 



DRAMATIS PERSON.!^. 



Meadows 

Voiin*; VVrongward 

Old Wrongwanl 

Canteen 

Stern hold 

Groom 

J > Servants te Wrongward 

lecond gentleman 

Cook 

William 

John 

Sophia 

Beisy Blossom 

First > J , 
Second 5 ^^^'y 
Maid 



The Paragraphs between inverted coinmas, (thus 
are omitted in the representation. 



THE 

DEAF LOVER- 
ACT THE FIRST. 

SCENE I. 



A ROOM AT AN INN. MEADOW!? DISCOVERET) IN A RID1.\G- 

DRES8 WITH (ANTKtN. TABLt., CHAIRS, PEN, 

INK, AND PAPtR. 

Mea. Was there no possibility of bribing one of the 
servants ? 

Curt None in the world, sir, which indeed surpriz- 
ed me, for though I must confess they have all good 
places, \ have known folks with better, and in a great- 
er man's service, who would not let a biibe slip through 
their fingers for want of the trouble of clinching the 
fist upon it. 

Mea. What shall I do, Canteen .'' you are an old 
campaigner, and should be ripe with stratagem in 
desperate cases ! 

Can. 1 have got a scheme to serve you, if yoiiMl 
undertake it. 



8 THE DEAF LOVER. acs i 

Mea. Can you doubt me ? 

Can. Then be attentive : Old Wrongward's house, 
on the approaching wedding, is thronged as a fair 
with company ; dress yoiusell m the style ol an elder- 
ly gentleman travelling in the country ; pretend to 
inisapprehend every body. In short, assume the char- 
acter of a deaf man, and, thus disguised, put up at 
his house, as if you took it for an inn. 

Mea. Pho I pho ! 1 shall be taken before a magis- 
trate. 

Can. Not yon, mdeed, sir; at all these public wed- 
dings, there are a great nimiber of stra gersj invited by 
the chief guests , you'l! pass as a friend to s-ome of the 
company — But grant you are taken for the character 
you atisume, an old, deaf, blundering blockhead, your 
mistakes will create so ii-uich enieriainmeni, that no- 
boflj' will til nk of turning you out of doors till you 
have full opportunity of discovering yourself to your 
mistress. 

Mea. And do you. think she'll listen to me .'' 

Can. I'm sure of it, sir; I'd stake my life to a car- 
touch box, that your letters iw\i\ can p have been in- 
tercepted, and some damn'd story trump'd up by that 
old villian, her £iiardian, to make her marry his own 
son. 

Mea. It must be so, iny Sophia otheivvise never 
could have forgot me. 

Can. It must be so .' Lord, sir, if you were not so 
much in love, it would appear to you as plain as a 
pike-staff; but when once love gets into a man's head, 
poor reason is brought before a court-martial of the 
passioiis, and cashiered without a hearing. 

Mea. But it will be necessary to apprize Sophia of 
this; if I can by any means convey a letter to her. 

Can. A lightjbreaks m upon me ; I met a little flow- 
er girl standing at the inn door, as fresh and as bloom- 
ing as the sweetest rose in her basket — Don't you im- 
agine a letter may be conveyed by her into the garri- 
son. 



sc-i.Nfci. THE DEAF LOVER. i> 

Mea. Can we trust her ? 

Can. She's as sure as a rifle barrel, sir ; — You know 
\vhal a smooth tongue and a smart figure will do with 
a girl in the country ; 1 have persuaded her that 1 am 
over head and ears in love viih her — and liave swore 
by the god of love, and the god of battles, that i'll 
make her Mrs. Canteen, if she pleases, before to 
m orrow morning. 

Mea. \^' here is she ? 

Can, Selling nosegays to passengers, as they go in 
and out of their carriages; hut I'll bring her lo you, 
sir, in tlie drawing of a trigger, in the mean time write 
your letter, — there's pen, ink and paper on the table. 

[exit Canteen. 

Mea. {IVriiing.) My all depends on I.ei receiving 
this letter — otherwise, tne surprize of so unexpectedly 

meeting ir.e, niinht occasion a disco veiy {Seeing 

Cunieen and Betsy Blossom.) Oh I here comee Mars 
and Venus alreac y. 

[enter Canteen and Betsy Blossovi. 

Bet. NosegHys, your honour.'' 

Ma. Coiue hither, n)y pretty dear, and let me see 
th em. 

[looks in the basket. 

Bet. O sir, don't tumble over my basket ! I can't 
let you pick ani choose at a common price. 

Can. (aside to her.) Let him take which he pleases, 
he's as generous as a prince, hussey. 

Bet. Is he ? by Goss then he shalf have the myrtle 
and the jessamine, and the two moss roses I was tak- 
ing up to the Squire's where the great wedding is to be. 

Mea. What's that you say .'' Are you going to the 
house, where the great wedding is to be ? 

Bet. Yes, and I shall sell all my nosegays there, and 
am promised a ribband lor a bride favour by John the 
butler. 

Cun. O ho ! John the butler ! I find I'm not sole 
proprietor of my little nosegay merchant. 



jO the Dt^AF LOVER. Acr i. 

Mea. (taking her by the hand.) Now, my sweet dear, 
blooming little Flora, if you will grant me one favour, 
I will give you a guinea. 

Bet Who I, sir ! I'd have you to know, sir, that I 
scorn your guineas — I am no sucii parson — though I'm 
poor, I'm honest, tiiat let me tell you— and I'd rather 
sell nosegays with my vartue, than ride in a coach and 
six without it 

Can. Zounds ! what an explosion was there, from 
a carbine like a pocket pistol — Why, who's going to 
meddle with your vartue ? I tell you, you may keep 
the guinea ai.d your vartue together. 

Bet May 1 ? 

Can. Yes; but I find, Betsy, I'm greatly deceived in 
your temper. I tnought you were as meek as a violet, 
but I find you are as sharp as a sweet briar. 

Mea. 1 only want you, my dear, to take this letter 
for me, and deliver it into the young lady's hand who 
is to be married lo-morrow ; and to take care that 
iiobo'lysees you. 

Bet. As sure as a gun T know who you are. 

Mea. Aye, prithee, who am i .'' 

Bet. You are her old sweetheart, and she has turned 
false hearted. 

Can. Oons, what a witch it is ! I'll go and prepare 
your dress, sir, 

[exit Canteen. 

Bet. It's the talk of the whole village how iVIiss 
Sophia had forsaken a malicious officer that was in 
love with her. 

Mea. v\ ill you take this letter for me .'' 

Bet That I will with all my heart, — and between 
ourselves, though 1 am a poor girl, give her her own 
into the bargain. 

Mea- My dear, you must not say a word to her; 
only deliver the letter. 

Bet What, then you would not have rae scold her ? 



SCENE II. THE DEAF LOVER. XI 

Men By no means, — that would ruin mfi for ever 
in her esteem; hut what is your name, my iovei' 

Bet. Beisy Blossom, an't plea-e you [curtsying. 

Man. Well, my dear Betsy, go otf immediately, 
and remember that the whole happiness of my life 
depeiids on your care and secrecy [exit Betty, 



SCENE ir, OLD AVHONGWARD AND STERNHOLD DISCOV- 
ERED. STFRNhOLD reading IHE papers TO HIM. OLD 
\VRO\(iWAR0 IN HIS GOUT? CHAIR, WRAPT UP IN FLAN- 
KELS. — V^EAT CHAIR, »ABLE, 3MALL CHAIR, NEW9PA- 
PER-i OV THE TABLE. 

Old JV. You are a terrible reader, Sternhold : can't 
you speak ynur words shorter ? — you sound every syl- 
ial)le, as if you isad a speaking trumpet at your mouth. 

Stem. I cam help it your honour; it's a way 1 have 
got. 

Old IV. It's like the grind of an ill-toned barrel or- 
g^n in my ears — but go on, for you were born a parish 
clerk, and will chaiint every thing in psalm-tune to the 
end of the chapter. 

Stern, (reading.) Rome, April 1st. Vesterday 
morning, between twelve and one, his Holiness the 
Pope, was safely delivered of twins — the mother and 
children ore well and likely to live. 

Old IV. Why is the fellow nia<i .? The Pope deliv- 
ered of twins I Zounds ! you may as v.^ell tell me of 
St. Paul's dancing the hayes, or the Monument turning 
prize fighter. 

Stern. Shall I go on ^ 

Old IV. ,-cead over that last article again, for Prn 
sure you have made a blunder. 

Stern, {reads) Rome, April 1st. Yesterday morn- 
ing between twelve and one, his Holiness the Popej^ 
VOL. xvr. 12 



12 THE DEAF LOVER. act i. 

v/as safely delivered of twins — the mother and chil- 
dren are well, and likely to live. 

Old W. Truly this is a mast extraordinary event, if 
it be a fact, and must cause strange conjusion ai .ong 
the Cardinals ; but upon second tl)oughts, it's not al- 
together past belief, for there's a well known story of 
a tanale Fope, who was discoverd by her pregnancy, 
Pope Joan, 1 think she was called— but give me ihe 
paper, (or danm me if 1 can beJieve it yet — [takes the 
paper and reads.) " Mr. 1 rinler, if \ou think the fol- 
lowing cross readings" — cross readings I ha! ha; ha! 
— confound those cross readings— as if things were 
not cross enough of themselves. 

Enter Sophia and Betsy Blossom. 

Sop. (as'de to Betsy ) And he seemed deeply con- 
cerned ? 

Btt. Oh, deeply concerned, and his eyes, poor soul, 
as red as blood with crjing. • 

Old IV. Is not that Sophy I see .'' eh! how's this .'' 
Where's my son George .' has the ras^^cal the impudence 
to stir an inch from your apron string .'' 

Sop. Sir, he cannot with propriety leave the com- 
pany ; more especially, as jnfirmities prevent }our 
entertaining them. 

OLd IV. Infirmities, why what infirmities have I got, 
except a little toiicli of tiie gout, now and then r Jl 1 
couUi walk, and had the use oi my right hand, and 
cculd see without spectacles, I'd be as hale a n.an as 
any in the county, (sung Betsy Blossom.) But 
who is that liule blooming rogue with you f 

Sop. A flower-girl, sir: site has brought nie some 
jessamine and n.oss roses. 

Old IV: Ay ? tell her to come this way, and lei me 
look at her moss roses 

Sop. 'addetoBetry.) Go show him your nosegays, 
Pot?v, and keep him m chat, whilst I run and write 
an ansM er. 



SCENE II. THE DEAF LOVER. 13 

Bet. But Lord, Vla'am, he bears such a terrible 
cliara< ter. I'm afrajct to go nigh Inni. 

Sop I'ho! pho I never fear him; he has not been 
out of tiiat chaiT, except at beri times, these three 
months, but is mlled up and down 'he house like a 
great baby , go to him, I say, and I'll return imme- 
diately [exit Sophia. 

Oi-l IV. You may go about j'our business. Stern- 
hold, I'm tired of vour damn'd riron^ — It's worse than 
an old cloaih's man in London. 

Stern. Lord ' Lord ; what will this world come to! 

{exit Sier-nhold. 

Btt {a<tde} B\ Goss, as he can't budge, i'll have 
a little tun with him 

Old IV ('ome hither, my pretty maid, and let ine 
look at your moss roses. 

Bet {runs up t; him.) Vye, to be sure, sir, tl xe 
are r'ot so fine ones iii all the country. 

Old II'. (ta.'ngup he Jlowers ) Upon my vord 
they art' fine ones — But is bophy jt/mef Is there no- 
body sees us .'* 

Bet. .\ot a soul, we are both together, all alone by 
ourselves. 

Old fV. But are you sure that there's nobody listen- 



ing 



Bet Oh ! very sartin, sir. 

Oht IV. Then give me a kiss, you little smiling 
rogue 

Bit O, dear sir, would'nt you be ashamed to kiss 
such a poor girl a? i .'' 

Old IV. \ shamed ! not I, by the Lord Harry; 
come hitlit-r 1 say. 

Bet [tuiide ) Now to plague him — Why you must 
know, sir. tl-.at I'm afraid some of the family udl see 
us . but if you'll fetch a walk with me any where. 

Old I'V Fetch a walk with her .' 1 could as soon 
fetch the tower on my back. 

B t But now i look at your leg , I suppose you 
can't walk. — O lud, they're like mill-posts. 



14 THE DEAF LOVER. act i. 

Old IV. No, no, not quite so bad, they're a little 
swelled, to be sure, but there's a great deal of flannel 
about tbeni. 

Bet. Shall 1 help you. sir? 

[takes him by the hand and pulls him. 

Old W. {roars out) Zounds ' you've broke my 
arm, you jade. 

Sop. (without) Betsy ! 

Bet. I'm coining,, Ma'in. \go{n'g. 

Old Wrong Then you won't come and kiss me, 
hussey .'' 

'^ ■■ I think it is you that won't kiss n e, sir — 
1 r, if you want a kiss, why dont you come and 

Vrong O. you wicked bagga«!;e. you know that 
stir— i'd give half my estate Jbr a f)air ot legs, 
evenged of you 

Fhen yiu, won't fetch a walk, sir nor give me a 
very well ! — I'll not be denied the next man I 
-goodbye, sir — I must go— Ha! ha' ha ! 

[exit Betsy. 

Enter Young TVronguard. 

Young Wrong. What, sir' is not Sophia here? 

0/(/ IFrong. She v\as liere this moment. 

Ycuns; Wrong What'.- the matter with you, sir? I 
hope you're not id? 

Old IVrong No — but I wa^ bargaining for some 
mo<s I OSes, and they have pricked my fingers >o con- 
foundedly. 

Y vng IVrong. 1 have very had news to teil you, 
sir— Meadows has been seen about the house. 

Old Wrong. I'he Oevii he has! i'hen, boy. we are 
undone If she sees him, our intercepting his letteis, 
and the story of bis marriage with another, will all be 
discovered. 

Young Wrong. She has seen no stranger to day ? 



SCKNE It. THE DEAF LOVER. 15 

Old Wrong. IVot a soul, to my knowledge, except a 
pooi little innocent flower girl. 

Young IVijng. it's no matter — that woman, I am 
persuanerl, has broue;ht her a letter. 

Old IVrnng t cofi, like enough. 

Young Wrong. Then, sir, if you will sit with the 
compauy, I'll a;oin pursuit of her, and if in the power 
of gold, I'll get everything out of her 

[ exit Young IVrongward. 

Old Wrong. Aye, with all my heart. — Here, Wil- 
liam ! 

Enter Williarn. 

Wil Did you call, sir.' 

Old Wr mg. Roll nie in to the company. — (Wil' 
Ham goes behind the chair a ■d r.dls it ) 'softly, 
yotrrascal ! ! ( iesi^ eoulri bt- purchased, what would'nt 
1 give (or a new pan- - — Oh ' sotily' softly •' 

[tmi IVilliam^ rolling off Old JVrongtcard. 



SCENK ni. — outsidd: of old wrongward >> house. 

Enter John. 

John. What a couple of danm'd rogues my master 
and I are to stop all these here le'ters— it would go 
greatly against my conscienne, osily tor what : jiet by 
it— vVell, niy master cht ats his ward, and i cheat my 
master, for hf has never seen this picture, (pulls out 
a minialure, nor the letter that came with it yet if 
these ar'nt mock diamonds round it, it will bring a 
pretty penny — let me see, now — 

Enter Betsy Blossom. 

Bet. Good day, Mr. John. 

John. Ah ! my pretty Betsy— come hither, my little 
dear. 



16 THE DEAF LOVER. act i. 

Bet. What's that you are looking at so close, Mr. 
John ? 

John. Only a picture, my love — Are you a good 
judge of painting, Betsy .'' 

Bet. ;ainting! Lord, sir, you must ask some fine 
London ladv tliat question — we poor folks in the coun- 
try know nothing, of the matter. 

Juhn How do }ou like thai. Betsy ? 

[Showi! her the miniature. 

Bet. It has a vast fine fratue around it 

John Yes, Yes, you are a great judge of painting, I 
see clearly. 

Bet Aud looks as natural as ynu that are speaking 
to nie 

Juhn. Eh ! why, zounds ! she lakes it for my pic- 
ture 

Bet W hat fine eyes .' 

Juhn. Fine eves I — nh, yes, she takes it for me. 

Btt \nd two cheeks like cherries — then -uch pretty 
hair — ?o curi'd, so tnz'd and so flowered, h looi-.s like 
a white thorn in full blossom 

Jchn You must know, my dear. I wore my hair so, 
when that was drawn for me. 

Bet Is this your picture, Mr John.' 

Jvhn. I thought yon knew that already. 

Bet I vow, 1 took it for a gentleman's. 

John. What ! — then you don't thmk it like me .-' 

Bet. Like you ! no more like you than a carnation 
is like a butcher's brooin. 

Ji,hn. Butcher's broom .' — What a Fleet-market 
comparison! — You think, then, 1 aui altered since it 
was drawn for me ^ 

Bet. Oil, quite changed — you are as brown as a 
chesnut to what you were; and your eyes, thai were 
once so blue, are now as gray as the very willows. 

John I am sitting for a striking likeness, I find. 

Bet Then your forehead's grown square — your chin 
sharp— your nose flat— your teeth— no, they're n»t 



t 

n^CENE 11. THE DKAF LOVEll. j? 

W grown at all — for I can't see above one or two left in 
^ your iiead 

John. Zounds ! have done, you unmerciful baggage: 
give me my picture —I may "be altered a little, but it 
is impossibla can be so damnably metamorphosed as 
yon describe. 

Bet. What, after making a bargain ? 

Enter Young' JVrongward. 

Young Wrong. So. so, Mr. John, whai bargain is 
this vou have been striking.'' 

John Bargain! Sir — i was only agreeing about 
some tuhos. 

Bet riial was all, your honour— John only wanted 
some tulips of me 

J>h^i. , Aside to B tsy.) Not a word of the pic- 
ture 

Young Wrong. But, sir, can't the gardener supply 
you i* '^^ ^ 

John. Sir. he says t want too many, and that he 
won't spoil his beds to please me or a^ly man in Eng- 
land. •= 

Bet Now, sir, I can give him plenty, and ne- 
ver mmd spoiling a bed when it is made"^ worth mv 
while. ^ 

Xounsr Wrong. I believe you, young damsel 

Harkee, John, (aside to John)— I suppose this girl has 
bee.i employed by Meadows to convey a letter to So- 
phia. -Get you gone, and I'll sound her. 

John You had better leave her to me, sir. 

Young Wrong. No, no— she's too artful for you. 

John Aye, and for you too, I'll be sworn— I don't 
like to leave iier alone with him. 

Young Wrong. Not gone yet, sir.? 

John. Oh! yes, I'm gone— Ca.«rfe)— Very far gone 
I find in love, for now I am as jealous as the devjl of 
bim— Oh ! my poor picture, I sliall never see its face 
again' I F.xH Jdm': 



18 THE DEAF LOVER. act i 

Young Wrong Can you keep a secret, my dear? 

Bd. J don't know, sir — I never was tried. 

Yovng Wrong. Come, coriie. I know you have; 
and if you'll divulge it to me, I'll give you more than 
you got from Captain Meadows. 

Bet. Captain Meadows i who is he, sir.'' — T don't 
know him. — {aside) — He's only pumping me now, but 
J)e shall get iioihing by it. 

Young Wrong. What ! then you have neither 
brought nor received a letter here to day .'' 

Bet. Lord, sir, who'd trust the likes of me '..ith a let- 
ter.'' 

Young Wrong Let me see, now, in which pocket 
have you got it. [aitempis to starch her. 

Bt. Kf.ep your hands to j^oursi^lt — I have nothing 
smuggled about me — you shan't rummage me like a 
custom- house (jfficfr 

Young Wrong, {pv Us out a purse.") Look at this, 
hussey — I have both power and inclination to reward 
you. 

Bit. I'm sure, sir, there's nothing 1 wouldn't do to 
serve you. 

Young H^rong. Then you'll give me the letter .' 

Bet. Letter ' Lord, sir, what lettei .'' 

Young Wrong. Come, 1 insist upon your taking 
this. — (gives her money) — And now — 

Bd. And nuw, your honour, I'll go home to my fa- 
ther's and bring you tlie letter inimediateJy 

Young Wrong. Your father's ! — How came it 
there .? 

Bet. It came by the post, yesterday, from Devon- 
shire. 

Young Wrong. Devonshire ! what the devil is De- 
vonshire to u'.e ^ 

Bet. I thought you wanted to know sonethingabout 
my brother, the gardener, who wrote us a main long 
letter yesterday, and, what surprised us all, he's going 
to be married 



scFSE II. THE DEAF LOVER. 19 

Yaimg Wrong. A most interesling piece of infor- 
mation, I must confess, -^he's a downrigiit idiot. 

How ridic^ilous do my suspicions make me ■ 

[exit Young Wrongward. 

Bet. By Goss, I've tiick't hiin nicely, — aonovv to my 
dear Mr. Canteen. 

Enter Canteen 

Can. Ail! Betsy, I'^e been watoliing you, audi 
feared you'd have turned traitor and betrayed us. 

Bet. i\o, Mr Canteen, I never would do tiiat — I 
would not be'tray you, no, ".ot for five pound. 

Can. What, not /or five pound ^ O matchless fidel- 
ity ! — But coiiic, have you ^ot .m answer r 

Bet. Ves, 1 have liial and John's picture both to- 
gether. 

Can John's picture .' Well, this is the first time 
fever knew a man vain of his uoliness ! If ^ had such 
an old lien's head riveted upon my shoulders, I'd quar- 
rel with a liahon of spring water, for reflecting my own 
counlena'nce on me. 

Bet. Aye — hut his picture is very handson>e— it's 
no more like him than box is like southern wed. 

Can No. tl;en he has >et for the picture bv proxy, or 
perhaps, like many other coxcombs, purchased it. as 
we sometimes do shoes, reaily marie, but come, let 
us look at it 

Bit. Here it is [shows the miniature. 

Can. Zcunds I this is my master's picture. 

Bet ■v^ hat, Captain Meadow's ! 

Can. His own likeness—and the very minature I 
saw him inclose about six weeks ago to Miss Sophia. 

Bet As sure as can be, lie stole it 

Can. I don't know how he came by it : but you're 
certain he gave it you .'* 

Bet. Quite sarlin. 

Can. Then come along, my B»tsy ; if you behave 
well now, I'll inaKe great advantages ©f this discove- 
ry: you shall introduce nie to John as your brother, 



^0 THE DEAF LOVER. act i. 

ai)d I'll tenify him into a confession before I have 
done with hiiu. [exit Betsy and Canteens 

Enter Meadows, disguised as an old gentleman, with \ 
the groom. 

J)Iea. I hope your hay is good, friend? 

Groom. It's no inatiei how my hay is. 1 tell you,' 
you are niistakeii in tlie house ; this is no inn. 

Mea Why it you thmi; so, give him a ieed of oats; 
bu; take care to rub luni down well. 

Groom. Hub down the devil i 1 tell you my master 
keeps no inn. 

Jleu. Throw a few beans among the oats, if you 
have any 

Griioia. Throw a few beans a>nong the oats !— ^ 
Zounds' who p omised logive )qu an\ oais.' 

JI a That's a good lad, I know you'll taKe care of 
him. 

Groom. He's as deaf as a door nail — he doesn't 
un>lerstand a word ; say. 

Mca Did you speak to me, 3'ouno, man .'' 

Groom 1 have been bawling to \ou this hour, to 
tell you this is no iini : yonder is the C.eorge, or the 
Swan, or the King's \rms, where yoi '11 get your 
horse and yourself taken care of. 

[bawling in his ear. 

Mea. Well, well, I'll take your word lor the good- 
ness of your corn ; you have no occasion to be so 
loud in praise of it. 

Groom What the devil shall I do with him .^ He 
drove his horso into the stable, befo-e I knew whera 
1 was, and if 1 turn him achifi, I shall be prosecuted. 

Mea. iVIy good lad, do you hear me.'' 

Groom I wish I could make you hear me as plain. 

Mea. I like your coimtenance. 

Groom. That'o more tlian - do your's. 

Mea. T.here's something in it tells me, you will 



SCENE u. THK DE\F LOVER. 21 

do the beast justice, therefore, here's a shilHng for you 
—and ifl find have not been mistaken in the opinion 
1 have formed of you, i simll remember you w hen 1 
go away also. 

Groom. This is the first word of sense ! have got 
out of bin? — well, as his hort^e is in the stable, let him 
stay Iheie . iny master, i ain sure, will never ii'iss his 
one nit^hlV keep; bul tlien tbe best joke will be when 
he !^ets inio the bouse— ha ! ha ! iia I 1 shall kill niy- 
seii with laugbiii" ai the thou.i:,lits of it. 

J\Ia lla I ha ' ha ' Vr-rygood, indeed. 

G/oom. What the devd does helaogb at ? 

Men. I find you a fellow of i 5i,ood deal of humour. 

Groom iuinour ' What does lie mean ? 

Men. V'ou teil a devilish good story, btit 1 can't stay 
to hear the end of it. for '\n grea ly fatigued, and veiy 
weary — now remember vou rub him down well, and 
don'i Ibrget the beans amongst the oats. 

[exit Meadows 

Groom. * tell a devilish good story, and ^avea 
great deal of humour ' 11 'tis so. yon are tiie fir^i that 
ever d's'overeil my talents — ell I I have ^.it .i shilling 
from yiu so muin'sibe word, you're deaf— 1 am dumb, 
old gentleman. [exit Groom^ 



22 THE DEAF LOVER. 

ACT THE SECOND. 

SCENE I. 



A HALL IN OLD WRONGWARD's HOUSE : SEVERAL SERVANTS 
HU.NNING ACROSS THE STAGt TVITil SbHPKR. 

Enter JVilliam. 

Wil. He's swearing like a dragon about the iced 
cream 

Bob I wish he was to feed upon nothing else till 
his temper become as coi 1 as hjs stomach. 

Enter Cook. 

Cwk. A man had better stand cook in Relzebub's 
kitchen. Here have I betMi hroilaiti mys;e]f lilse a beef 
st.;ak. for these two hours, and am thanked in a voUy 
of oaths for itafterv/anis 

Enter IViornas. 

Men There's not a drop of Madeira in the room ; 
and the butler ia to be turned off to-morrow. 

Enter J\r adows. 

Men. Aye, 1 like this. — it's an old saying, good 
business makes a {;oo<1 iiojise. 



SCENE I. THE DEAF LOVER. 23 

V IFll This is some geatieman invited to supper— we 
bad better tell him it's on the table. 
Boh Certainly : — it's on the table, sir. 
Men So, I'il not pull off njy boots till I goto bed. 
fVil. Pull off his boots ! who said any thing about 
his hoots.'' i'houoh now I look at them, damn me if 
ever i saw a dirtier pair in the course of my life. 
Mea. What tiave you got for supper .'* 
fVil. Every thing the season c an afford is on tliQ 
table, sir 

Mea. Why, you l)lockhead, woodcocks are not in 
season 

IVil. I said nothing about woodcwks — but, sir, 
there's a delightful carp stewed in da et— afine jack 
roasted with a pudding in his belly — sotne choice 
piiea-ants — and such cherry tarts — apple pies, jellies, 
ice<l creains, and sweetmeats, thai my t.-eth walPr at 
the hare tiK.ughts ot them. 

Mea Very well, that will do my iriend ; but take 
care you get me so; e good mushroom sau( e to it. 
Bob. VJusbrt.om sauce ! to what, sir.'' 
Mea \ broiled (owl will do well 'Miough. 
fill. A broiled fowl I 1 didn't mention a word of 
briiled fowl— did I Bnb.^ 
Boh. Vot <i syllable. 
J IVi/ Zounds I he's deaf 

Boh. ()r mad ; speak louder to him. 
1 fVil (bmoling in his ear) "-upper is on the table, 
w sir. and if vou are iuviteil to the !)onse by my mas- 
', tev i( will be as much as oui puces are worth, if we 
p do not briui^ vou rp to him immediately. 
%■ Mea. Well do i-e best vou can for me. 
' Wil Ah I its all m vam to talk to him : let us see 
if we tan make him understand by signs 

[mikes stgas tiiey will shoiv him the way. 

Mea. Bless you, my lad, I am not particular. ' 

[exit Meudoivs and Servants. 



24 THE DEAF LOVER. act it. ' 

SCENE IT. — CHANGES TO AN ELEGANT APARTMENT — OLD 

WRONGWARD, YOUNG WRONGWARD, ANO A LARGE 

PARTV AT SUPPER. 

Old W. Fill me a bumper ol Madeira— though the 
enemy has got possession ol the greater part of my 
outworks, I'll take care to keep him Irom tiie citadel, 
whilst there's a flask m my cellar to support ir.e 

\^Drinks. 

Ent r Meadows and WiUiam. 

Wil. This way, sir. 

Mea Aye I ! see all your rooms are full, but its no 
matter. I'n- fond of company. 

Old IV. (aside to young iVrong) Here's a stranger; 
do you know him, George.'' 

Young IV. I suppose he's a friend to some of the 
company. 

Old IV. Certainly — go to hini, boy, and ask him if 
he lias supped 

Young. iV. (comes to Meadows) Sir, ! esteem my- 
self particularly houourt'd in the favour of this visit — 
here, VV liiiam, lay a side table lor this gentlen an — 
As we are just done supper, I beg, sir, you'll not con- 
sider yonrsej. a stranger [ret res to h s seat. 

Mea. Very dear, indeed, sir. gooci Virginia is ve- 
ry hard to be come at. t)ut 1 always carry a box of 
Oroonoko in my pocket \puUs out a box. 

Old IV. Jo Meadows) Warm travelling, sir 

[a table is IrtdJ'ar M-adows; he sits. 

Old fV. (to Meai , ws) Warn) travt:lling, sir. 

Mea. There was none stirring when 1 was in town, 
sir 

Old ll'. Stirring! no nor nsoving lor it, sir. in this 
part cf the world — though the gout confines me to 



E^Ki. THE DEAF LOVER. 25 

this chair, I feel myself as hot as if I was toasting on 
the coast of Guinea. 

Enter Sophia. 

Soph, (aside) Yonder he sits , if ho should be dis- 
covered, al! rny hopes of happiness are gone forever. 

Mea (aside ) " I feel myself in such agitation at 
•' the sight uf my Sophia, that! fear ii will mar my 
;" counterieaing " 

[S.phm sits next to Young Wrongwnrd — ihey talk. 

Old W Come, old gentleman, I'll give 5'ou a toast, 
that I'm sure you'll have no objection to — here's to the 
young couple. 

\aXl the company drink. 

Mea. "W;th all my heart : 1' m sure he has not a 
"better surjjoct m hisdoi:iinions 

Old VV. 'Ay, and what's better, he's going the 
"right road to raise more good subjects." 

Mea. The King 

Old IV. "The"King I Why [ drank my son "and 
daughter, thac is to he's health." 

Mea. Ah, sir I there's no answering for what peo- 
ple will say 

Old Jr No answering for what people will say ; 
damn me if ever 1 knew any thing so impudent in the 
whole course of my life before 

Young IV. Tray does any of the company know 
him ? 

\st Lady. I don't for my part. 

15/ Gentleman Nor I. 

'ind Lady. Nor I. 

2nd Gentleman. Nor I, nor any of us. 

All. No, not one of us. 

Sop. How 1 tremble for him, now. 

Old IV. Here, William, who showed this old fellow 
here ^ 



26 THE DEAF LOVER. aci 

TVil. I did, sir ; I took him lo be one of the coni' 
pany. 

Old IV. Why, nobody here knows h/m. 

Men. {lo old iVrongtvard.) Sir, I have the pleas- 
ur9 of drinking your health. 

Old IV. {to Young (Vrongivard) Did you ever 
know any thing like this, George ? 

Men. (to IV'lliam) Do you hear, my lad ? Send"* 
the boot catcher to me. 

Old IF. Send up the boot catcher to him, we'll 
send up the thief-catcher to hiiu — this fellow is cot 
to rob the house, and ought to be tlirown in a horse- 
pond. 

Mea. This wine is devilish good : but I liave a poor 
head, and am very sleepy — Bon rcpos, good folks, i 
must leave you. 

[gets vp. 

Old IV. Stop him, George. 

[Young iVrongward and Company stop him. 

Mea. Why, gentlemen, all this pressing ? it is to ho 
purpose ; I am det«-rinined to goto bed; and as a : 
proof of it, there's half crown for my share of the bill 
as \ can't stay till it's called — will nobody give me a , 
light ? 

Old JV. {To William.) Why, you rascal, can you ] 
give no rational accouut of this man ? 

Wil. All i can tell you is, he has set the whole 
family ni an uproar — the groom says he's deaf — the ' 
butler says he's mad ; l>ut all agree in pronouncing 
him the most impiident, troublesome, dirty old fellow 
that ever come into a house — do but look at his boots 
sir. 

Sop. {aside) Love has inspired me with a thought 
for his deliverance, {comts forward) liless me I I 
know this genileman's face perfectly well — it is the 
celebrated Doctor Humdrum ; I saw him several 
times at Bath, though I never spoke to him : he's the 
first physician in England ; but has been troubled with 



icE^£. 111. THE DEAF LOVfcfl. Z1 

tlie most obstinate deafness for several years — and, 
what is most extraordinary, does every thing in 
Jiis power to conceal it. 

Old JV. Deaf I why does ho come here to plague us 
with his deafness? 

Sop. I thought, sir, you had more humanity than 
ox to feel for such a misfortune. 

Old IV. But are you sure he's deaf.' 

Sop. Does not hear a word you say to him. 

Mea. You'll let me go to bed, then .'' upon my soul. 
It gives nie pain to part from such good company — , 
fjut. I'm quite weary. 

, Old IV. Ay, poor geTitleman, I pity him, he shall 
have a bed — he has taken the house lor an inn, I 
suppose ; a very good joke faiih — ha! ha ! ha ! 

Mea. Ha! ha I ha! a dev'lish good song, a dev- 
'lish good song indeed ^ but 1 can't stay to encore it. 
lion rcpos, bon repos .' [Exit Meadows, lighted. 

Old TV George, do you go and see the gentleman 
is taken great care of. 

[Fiddles behind. Exit Youyig' Wrongward. 

Old W. Ha ! here comes the fiddles— come girls, 
foot it away, I'll sit up with you an hour extraordina- 
ry, and if this confounded gout would give my joints 
-a holliday, I'd have a reel with the youngest of you. 
[A dance. Exeunt rolling off Old Wrongioard. 



SCENE III.— A CHAMBEE. 

Enter Sophia, Canteen, and Betsy Blossom. 

Sop. So Captain Meadows's servant is your brother^ 
Jetsy. 
Bet. Oh, that was only— he I he ! 

[with affected confusion 
Can. Yes, Ma'am, as Bstsy v/ould say, that was 



2^. THE DEAF LOVER. act u 

only to deceive John, your guardian's privy coun- 

"%. But how have you proceeded since this d.sco^ 
"'^ef Va^^ly clever T warrant hi.n ; he has fright- 

pii.? the picture, unless he "ine^ ^ • g « ^^^ j^, 

informed aga nst his niafter— my n>eiu t^^ > a 

'"^7'rr„k your ladyship, rmsu-cl do. 

Can. Now is my freedom gone. 

Rfl What you won't marry me .' 

^1. Else iL should J '"« ■;',5^^r*T„„„, you, . 

Be(. 1 donl know what >"" ™^" ,S,,„ when you 
frefd„m-,bu.inthoughtyoulosa thu««l.^J,^ 



^°y; „ Pho ' Dho ■ you little, fool, by giving up .ny 
freedLfl m.an'°l gL -P my hear, into you, posses. 

='°SefDo%ou ? Then by gosh I you shall have my 
heart for life instead of it. 



THE DEAP LOVER. 



SCENE IV. CHANGES TO A BED CHAMBER. EM I R 

MEADOWS FOLLOWED BV A tHAMBERMAlD 

WITH LIGHTS. 

Maid This i? my voune; lady's apartment : and — 
you must no s'av here 

Men. \iy goo'i a,irl you needn't give yourself the 
tiouble, I never have my bed warmed. 

Maid I didn't come to warm your bed — I want 
you to ii,et out of the room 

Mea No, no, its a bad custom ; good night to you. 

Maid. Odds mv life, but he'd provok^ a saint. — 
(venj loud) I tell you again and again that this is my 
young lady's room, and you must quit it. 

Men A sack posset! I'll not taste it Come, let 
me lock my door, for I must be stirring early. 

She get^ between him and the door. 

Maid The devil a door do you lock hereto night. 

Mea. Ah ! you svanton young baj.tiatie, I understand 
you ; but all those days are over with me 

Maid Oh, Lorti I whai has the old nasty fellow got 
into his head now .' 

Ma. But come, we'll have one smack, and then 
bon soir. 

Maid. Help, help, murder ! 

[offers to kiss her. 

Enter three Servants. 

Wil What's the matter Sally .? 

Maid. This old vilhan wa>i going to ruinate me. 

Bob I wish he was out of the house; 1 wonder my 
master gave him a bed. 

Mea. You'll take care lo call me early. 

Bob. Damn me I if call you. 

Wil. It's a shame for a man at your vears to be- 
have so. 



>U THE DEAF LOVER. ac> u. 

Maid. Ay, an old man like you, with one foot in 
ilie grave. 

Mea. You are mistaken, my dear, I cnn get up as 
well as any young fellow in England. — I am a mighty 
good riser, I must mount early, therefore call me by 
iive. 

Bob. We may as well talk to a stone wall. 

Maid. I shall lose my place for this. 

Mea. You need not wait for the light. 

[sits doton as if to undress^ 

Wil. Wait for the light I damn me ! if I had mjr 
will, but I'd darken your lights for you, and leave you 
;o grope your way out of the house. 

Mea. Why, I believe, that's the safest way, so 
bring me an extinguisher ; you're a good natured lad, 
and I'll remember you for this. 

WjI. " If I eould write, I'd make him understand 
me at once. — Can you write, Joe .-* 

Joe. " I can chalk main well, but nobody can under- 
stand it except myself 

Wil. " Why you, Bob, went to school, I know. 

Bob. " Ay, but it's so long ago, I forgot all my 
learning: I'll make my mark, if you please." 

Wil. 'Sdeath and fire, he's undressing! we must 
'0 semething immediately. 

[Meadows lay? down a case, 
of large pistob. 

Bob. "What swinging pistols he has ! 

Mea. Lay you there, my good friends — I hope I 
bhan't have the same need for you here, as at the last 
inn where I lay. 

Bob. Do you hear that .-' 

Mea. I am sorry I shot the ostler and kitchen maid. 
I own ; but what am I to think of people who come 
into my room after I am in bed ? 

All Seniants. Oh .'' the bloody minded old rogue ! 
3Tea. I know the advantages that may be taken of 
iny deafness, and am determined to fenire mys<>lf 



FJ«E IV. THt DLAI- LOVER. 3i 

TVil. I am rlcterminorl to do the same, and so good 
Bight. [runs off. 

Boh. I'll stay no longer. [exit. 

; Joe. Oh .' if I am hindmost, may I be shot like the 
jpOOr o?tler and kitchert naid ! [exit. 

; Maid And may 1 be burnt if J stay to be shot ! 

[exit. 

Men. Oh, Fortime, auspicious to my warmest hopes. 
"N ow could J but see, and converse one momentwitli 
my Sophia — Ha ; yonder comes a light — 'tis she— 
'lis she herself, my adorable Sophia. 

Enter Sophia. 

Soph. T am come to tell you to lock yourself in im- 
iaedialely — to morrow <'il speak to yuu — it is danger- 
ous for us to continue a moment together. 

Mea. Gut is not to morrow to be your wedding-day ? 
am I not to lose you forever to-morrow f 

Sop. No, Meadows, 1 am now satisfied of your hon* 
our, and my guardian's villany : a plot has been just 
discovered to me, will astonish you — To morrow | 
will quit this house and put myself under your protec- 
tion. 

Men. My love, my life I you transport me. 

Enter Young Wrongward. 

young W. He shall leave the house to night. Hajr 
what do I see ? 

Sop. (aside) 't's all over, and 1 may as well throw 
off the mask now as to-morrow. 

Old Wrongward rolled tn by William. 

Old Tf. He deserves a hovse-pond instead ofagoo^ 



32 THE DEAF LOVER. act u. 

Men. f should prefer a good bed notwithstanding 
Mr. vVrongward. 

Old IV. V hy he has got his heajring. 

M. a Yes, sir, and my feeling too, of resentment for 
the ha<e advantage you took of me and this young 
lady 

Ola 'V. Advantage ! who the devil are you ^ 

J\Iea '^ aii't y<'ii discover l\'eado\vs uiuei this dis- 
guise ' ihal man whom you hnve so much iujired? 

0>d !■''. Meadow? ' this is ctirsed uniuckv but, 
George, we must get him out of the house as fast as 
possible. 

Can. (IV>thoui) if you dont come hy fair means, 
I'll lay you by the heals and force you into court. 

Enter Canteen, John, and Betsey. 

Young W. \il, I fear, is discovered 

Old IV. Eh ' who is tliat fellow got hold of John ? 

Con. Let his worship know, John : or 1 shall be 
committed for an assault, in the very act of thiefta- 
king. 

John Why, sir, if I must speak, it is you and my 
3-oung jnaster that have brought me to this (iisgrace. 

Old IV Who, I and my son ? why the fellow has 
lo!?t his wits— or else he is drunk — take him to bod, I 
hate a drunkard. 

John Lies won't do now, 1 must speak the truth, 
or suffer for it— Captain Meadows, I humbly ask your 
for-^iveness, but ever) letter von sent to iViiss hophia, 
I stopt, by the positive orders of both my masters 

Can 'is all very true a id among the rest, he 
stopped the miniature you sent Miss ^ophia by 
which he was discovered — for the ugly dog hart the 
impudence to afempt to pass it upon my Betsy here, 
foi his own proper 1 keiiess. t'lji 

Young IV. Come Sophia, I am sorry you have 
been disturbed — Captain, you may have a bed if yon 
please. 



«CENE IV. THE DEAF LOVER. 33 

Mea. No sir. I shall quit your house, and take my 
Sophia with nr)e. 

[Takes her by hand. 

Old TV What, would you steal a ward from her 
guard ian ? 

Y'rtinz TV. Nay, if you proceed to force, make a 
prisoner of her— take the consequence \ Draws. 

M'U. She has been lon/i a pr'soner. sir, 'i! a ,lacc 
she 'lislike'^ : hut here is my habeas tor her renioval. 
(PulU <n't a Pistol ) So, as you respect the law, gen- 
tlemen, stand hy. 

Old TV Roll me out of the way ; I shall be ?hot or 
run wirciigh. bemeen •licm. 

T'ung TV. What, have I no assistance? where arc 
all mv servants ? 

Old TV. George, a word with you George, this is a 
very Ui»Iy story, we had berter make the best of it 

Young TV. What, sir, will you acquiesce in your 
dishonour ? 

Mea. Good night : you shall hear from me. 

\Gomg. 

Old TV. Stay, Captain ; r have something to propose 
to you 

Young TV. T perceive what you intend, but I will 
not stay to be a witness of your weakness and my own 
sheime— I shall take other step? to right myself 

[Exit. 

Old TV. You see what an obstinate boy he is : but 
I won't cross your inclinations ; Sophia, you have my 
consent.— This is always my way, when I can't help it. 

[Aside. 

Me a I take you at your word, sir ; but to morrow 
will put your ward under the protection of the law, for 
I will never take advantage of her partiality m my 
favour, until she is at full liberty to choose for herself. 

Tnie love a jealous delicacy knov.'s, 

Aujpl slight all dower, but what the heart bestows 

FAD OP THE JIKAF tOVfP. 



LB 20 



LiBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



H 




014 153 607 2 



